For years your kids have played organized sports. The focus has probably been on having fun, on feeling good and maybe learning something about the game. On building confidence. And, of course, on self-esteem.

But are these leagues being used to teach attitudes, skill and lessons that will serve them later in life?

I remember watching a friend fill in for an absent youth league baseball coach. I don't think it was the 'substitute teacher phenomenon' that rendered one of our young team members absolutely incapable of controlling himself. Especially his language. It became completely inappropriate. Rude, crude and downright abusive - and it didn't seem to matter whether it was directed at his peers or the adults involved.

The substitute coach asked him to stop. Then he told him to stop. Then Coach explained very clearly. "This is the last time I am going to tell you to stop swearing. If you do it again - even one more time - you won't get to play today."

Of course, our young friend, fully schooled in his own 'star power' couldn't imagine such a scenario. As a result, he was very surprised when the next curse word resulted his being removed from the bench.

How would you react?

You could join in with the kids' complaints about the coach's unfairness. You could complain to the league or to the other parents. Or, you remind the kids who you are close to you that, with his behavior, the young 'star' chose to be in the stands rather than to help them win the game.

Maybe you could even thank the coach and ask if he'd consider becoming more involved. After all, don't your kids deserve someone who will model doing the right thing instead of the easy, popular thing?

Andrea Patten

Throughout her life, Andrea Patten has distinguished herself as a creative problem-solver. She particularly enjoys finding practical commonalities between apparently 'dissimilar' services, ideas or methods, making them all stronger in the process. In her career as a licensed addictions counselor she found a niche in program development helping organizations bring such innovations as bilingual programming, family treatment and networking for comprehensive client care.

When her son was young, she took a break from human services and studied marketing in one of her father's companies. There she discovered more similarities. "Whether it's a product, a service or a message it needs to be presented in a way that it will serve its intended audience."

A few years later, Andrea was probably as surprised as anyone to find herself once again serving families with substance abuse issues. Hired to assist a child protection organization improve interventions for kids at risk due to parental substance abuse, she became part of a team that provided home-based services to families,and developed training to enhance social workers' knowledge of addiction and addiction counselors' ability to work with family violence issues. She provided leadership, training and support for a network of "healthy-living" foster homes. She ultimately became the director of an agency where she had the opportunity to improve services to people of all ages suffering the effects of family violence.

"Teaming with my father to write 'What Kids Need...' was a tremendous growth opportunity for me. It took me out of a familiar role and let me try to reach families in an entirely new manner. My favorite part of direct service work was always helping people to identify and connect with the well of optimism and strength inside of them. I think that this book can provide hope to families facing a wide variety of struggles."